I feel like this hasn’t really been a good year for a lot of people. But it’s almost over! And although 2016 has been one of the most emotionally and mentally stressful for me, I’ve also learned quite a bit about myself and how I want to conduct the rest of my life. So here we go.
1. Take chances. Sometimes you’ll surprise yourself.
We had to find an internship for my final semester of school, and I was terrified I’d be the only one without an internship. But I found one! And it went okay. Did some networking, got some social media experience for my resume. I didn’t think I could do it, but pushed myself, and ended up in the perfect internship for me.
2. Put 110% effort in… not everything you do.
I’m the kind of person that puts all of my effort into everything. Anything I do is Michelle certified 10/10 effort. But this year I got burnt out to the point of mental exhaustion. One of my teachers sat me down and actually told me, “if you redo this assignment so you can get higher than an 80%, I will be mad at you. Go home, relax. Like, don’t do any homework. Don’t do chores. Don’t worry. Just relax. Do nothing.” So now I kind of take that advice and apply it to other things in my life. It’s okay to take a mental break – watch TV, play video games, veg out in bed. Meditation and learning how to chill out has been a huge breakthrough for me.
3. Broken hearts fucking suck.
I’ve never been heart-broken before. I mean, I’ve liked people who never liked me back, but there was some acceptance there. This was a case of “You’re with someone who you shouldn’t be with, and yes you love him but you need to get out of this so you can grow as a person – thank me later”. It hurt a lot. I’ve never been that depressed before. I’m fine now, but at the time, I didn’t want to see how I could be okay without my best friend. It’s given me a new appreciation for being hurt – and trying extra hard not to hurt other people.
4. Adventure is fun, but being reckless is stupid.
After the break-up, I was reckless. I wanted to adventure and try new things. But at the time, that meant going out until 4am with my friends, not remembering how I got back to her house, or going on dates with people just to get out of the house and keep my mind off things. It took me meeting the right boy at the right time to realize that I should be respected and respect myself, as well. I deserve to make relationships and friendships with people, and that in itself was sort of a great adventure. Now my adventures are cultivating friendships and trying new things that don’t hurt me.
5. The best things are worth waiting for.
Look at this guy. My beautiful boy. I can’t even. I’ll give you the cliffnotes version: Luke and I grew up down the street from each other. Same grammar school, same high school. I always knew who he was, always thought he was such a cute dork. Never spoke to him. We met on Tinder after this year’s rough break-up when I was trying to meet new people and get a fresh start, and he was the nicest person. No boy has ever been so respectful and kind and gentlemanly to me. Neither of us wanted a “relationship” at our first encounter, but we fell pretty hard and it’ was downhill from there. I sort of believe in fate now, I don’t know. But we didn’t rush into anything, and now I am the happiest I have ever been in a partnership. ❤
6. Act confident and you’ll be confident.
Fun fact: the girl who runs this blog hates herself most of the time. It’s something I’ve been working on fixing this year. It’s also been helpful to have friends and a partner in my life now who are supportive. I got hired on full-time at my student job, and was given a lot more responsibilities and that one thing sort of made me feel like a superstar. It’s a desk job, nothing fancy shmancy – but I acted the confident part of someone who deserved the job and now I have this job I love, and am actually pretty good at.
I also overthrew the girl in my head who said I couldn’t do anything athletic and ran a 5k this year, so that was pretty awesome. I’m going to keep this confident streak up through 2017 because it opens a lot more doors than when you hate on yourself all the time.
7. Friend and family bonds must be cared for, not assumed.
I don’t care what people say about friendships and family relationships being “meant to be” or “if you’re related to them, you have to love them”. If I’ve learned one thing this year, this may be the most important one. Do not force friendships with people who clearly don’t want to be your friend. Do not feel tied to family members who mentally and emotionally bring you down. If they’re not supportive, find yourself a “family” that is – even if that family is a group of friends.
I’ve spent this year nurturing the friendships with the few people I do appreciate and love. I’ve also spent this year re-connecting with old friends and strengthening those bonds, or talking to new people who have grown to be some of my best friends. Find people you can rely on, blood relative or not, and surround yourself with them – I’ve been a lot less insecure this year, and it’s because I put my trust in people who I can actually rely on.
8. I’m an adult.
Guys, I turned 25 this year. I graduated college. I got a full-time job. I’m looking at apartments now. Like. I’m a full-blown adult. I’m adulting all over the place and can’t hide behind the “I’m still a kid” thing anymore. This year was the first time I’ve thought about the independence of adult life and not felt super sick and anxious. I feel like I can do it. It’s very exciting.
9. Feeling beautiful on the outside doesn’t make you vain.
I grew up being told that girls who were into makeup and clothes were dumb and trying to fill voids in their life with lipstick and shoes. That was a mix between teen girl movies making all the “bad guys” look like the Plastics from Mean Girls, and my family knowing I’m a weirdo who had no friends, so they tried to comfort me with: “You’re better than those girls, you don’t need them”. Well. 2016 was the year I embraced my femininity and really got into things like fashion and makeup as a form of expression, and let me tell you, it is not dumb on this side. I can be smart and nerdy and still like dresses and shoes. It’s been a fun and eye-opening discovery, to say the least. The fact that I judge people less makes me feel like I’m being judged less. Funny how that works, huh?
10. Live like there is “no day but today”.
I got my first tattoo this year! In January, the words from RENT’s “Another Day” got etched into my arm as a double reminder: don’t put off until tomorrow what could be said today, but also, remembering to take things one day at a time and to move at my own pace.
I went on a roller coaster this year even though I was terrified. I went dancing a few times even though it was later than I’d like to be downtown. I met new people and tried a lot of new things just by saying yes when I wasn’t entirely up for an outing. At the same time, I’ve taken a lot of days to myself, staying in bed playing games and saying no to people when I need to take a mental break. “No day but today” is a reminder to live in the moment, but also to take care of myself.
Maybe 2016 wasn’t entirely terrible. A lot of crazy good things happened, and I’ve kind of been inspired to start my own life.
So that’s a huge step for me. How was your year? What are some positives you’re taking into 2017?